Friend
by acidfinn
Summary: Rommie smiles because she knows that she is their friend, but with that one realization, comes another...


**Friend**

This is what they call me. All of them. _Friend_. And I believe them, because I know it's true. I know that when they call me their friend, it's no different from calling anyone else their friend. It makes me proud to be their friend, to know that they trust me like they trust all their other friends. I think about their friendship during that precious amount of free-time I get when we're _not_ saving the universe. Sometimes, on the lonelier days I go down to the Machine Shop—whichever one Harper is in—and I sit on a counter and keep him company while he works on his latest fail-safe program that will save our lives, and put them in grave danger all in one day. Then Harper will make a crude joke, and I'll throw a quantum chip at him. He'll squeak and then tell me that I'm cute when I'm angry...but he'll add another comment after that and another chip will go flying. It makes me smile...and that makes Harper smile too. And after he says...

"Your beautiful when you smile like that Romdoll!"

Harper is my friend.

He wraps his arm around my waist and I don't respond, I sit there, with a silly look of exasperation on my face, because sometimes I _don't_ believe him when he calls me beautiful. I should though, I chose this look myself of course, and when Beka asked, I was reluctant to tell her why, but I did anyways.

Beka is my friend.

She trusts me too, perhaps I'm not as close to her as some of the others, but I know that she enjoys my company. I can tell by the way she smiles at me when I smile at her because I'm thinking about our friendship. I'd say I've come to need Beka as much as I need my Captain, she is my pilot. And I know she's had it rough in the past, I suppose all of us have...maybe that's why we were brought together. Because we all have equally scarring backgrounds, we have that in common...but Beka is a little different. When she smiles I can still see sadness, sadness because of what people she thought were friends (and maybe even more than that) have done to her. So I've grown to enjoy her company as well, and she makes me smile when I'm alone. Even though perhaps she doesn't consider me as close to her as Trance is, that's okay too, because that's the thing about Beka...you accept her as a whole, or nothing at all. I would not have it any other way.

Trance is my friend.

She also takes care of the life in me...the life that, well, might not exist if it were not for her. She's mysterious, yes, and trying to solve her riddles is a little bit frustrating for me. I am a warship after all, I'm built with practicality hammered into every square-inch of me. I take everything literally and at its face value. This can be a setback when trying to guess the metaphor in her speech. But still, when I'm with her, I feel like I can tell her everything, her riddles are almost...fun. I trust Trance...maybe even more than I trust myself. With all the life in me, and with those I care most about as well. I still find myself wondering why I seem to know much about her, a large part of me wishes that I could get to know her better, maybe someday, I'll try...though I suspect that it would be harder than it seems. She seems so protective of...whatever it is that I think she's hiding from us. Trance is strange like that, she's has an aura that just pulls you towards her and makes you want to spill your life's story out to her. She's kind to all she meets, which is more than I can say for a lot of people, specifically certain Nietzscheans...

Telemachus Rhade is my friend.

...sort of. I guess, we share a mutual respect for one another, almost like the rapport I had with Tyr. But the relations with Rhade are a little bit warmer. I think he knows that I'm dependable, and he gives me more credit for this than Tyr was ever capable of. I enjoy working with Rhade, though I don't think I could tell anyone because they'd probably think I'm crazy. But, I really do like spending time with him, he puts a refreshing perspective in my mind, that's something I'm not used to. I feel a little sorry for Rhade; sometimes I can't even recognize his rugged face because I'm so used to his clean-shaven, well-mannered, uniform-outfitted self. But I guess that loss can change a person like that. Still, I do consider him a friend. I can even look at him now and see Telemachus Rhade and not Gaheris Rhade anymore. I think they've all noticed.

Dylan is my friend.

And sometimes it makes me smile, but other times I'll sob because of it, because all we'll ever be is friends. And each passing day I try harder to make it suffice for me. I'll force myself to be content with it...and sometimes I feel like I am, but it's quickly replaced with a sense of longing when he passes by and smiles at me. And I'll smile back, to let him know that I'm content, but still I think he knows that I'm not and for the sake of his mission, he can't do anything about it. But I'll smile anyways, and watch from a distance while he orders us into slipstream.

_Andromeda _is my friend.

Yes, I know it sounds strange, but _I _am my own best friend. The three of us are sisters; they're annoying enough that's for sure. But when I think of "them" I smile as well, and no, they don't smile back, instead they roll their eyes because I'm emotional, but that only makes my smile broaden into a grin and I laugh because they think it's funny how they can wonder how I can call it funny.

But then fire hits my hull and its anger remains intact when it explodes and sets off my alarms. The _Andromeda _jerks and all that are living aboard fall to the floor...except me of course, because that's what androids are. They are not living. My eyes drift to Dylan, though I know they don't have to because my sensors tell me that he's all right and my common sense tell me that he's used to my sudden jaunts that used to send them all flying about. The Magog are firing again. Dylan's eyes flash as he pulls himself to the console and orders Rhade to fire and tells me to extend the battle Blades.

And in that one second, my fond thoughts of friendship and past smiles because of it fade away into the reality the whole picture.

I am a_ warship_.

I am the _Andromeda Ascendant_.

Harper is my engineer, Beka is my pilot, Rhade is my Weapons Officer, Trance is my Medical Officer and Dylan is my Captain, _first_.

And _then_ they are my friends. And _then_ we have relationships.

But _Andromeda_ first, always first, and then comes _Rommie_. It's always their lives ahead of my own, _that_ is the way it is. _That _is the way it will always be. And despite my best efforts to believe anything else, _that_ is the way it was meant to be.

I cannot live with this, I cannot live with anything. Because I am a warship before a friend, and warships are not alive. My friendships cannot change that, and neither can anything else.

I'll save them. I always do, but apart of me knows that they'll help save themselves as well. I'll extend my blades and I'll return fire and _I_ will pull them into slipstream.

Because that's what warships are for.

I cannot live with this. In reality, I cannot live with anything. Because I am a warship before a friend, and warships are not alive. My friendships cannot change that, and neither can anything else.

But I'll tell my friends I can live with it. I'll be content for my friends. I'll smile at them, and they'll smile back.

Because that's what _friends _are for.

''**Fin**


End file.
